Like SNL’s Weekend Update, but you don’t have to wait so long. Here’s today’s news:
This November, former Presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton had a social media battle as to who is the more hip President. Bill Clinton called out George Bush for not having a Twitter account, while George Bush reciprocated by calling out Bill Clinton for not having an Instagram account.
After it was announced this week that Instagram had surpassed Twitter with more than 300 million active users, George Bush posted this photo onto Instagram as the victor:
After a fan snapped this picture of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss at a concert reportedly making out, rumors began to swirl that the two had begun dating.
In a related story, after the media snapped this picture of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss on stage during Tuesday night’s Victoria’s Secret fashion show, millions of teenagers’ right hands began dating the both of them as well.
This week a Seattle area teacher was forced to resign after 18 years of service amongst allegations that he provided an 18-year-old, female student with marijuana during what is described as an “out-of-school” meeting.
In response, the teacher said, “If you don’t like where that anniversary was headed, I’m sure as hell glad that you didn’t find out about my 12th year anniversary gift to myself!”
On Wednesday it was announced that author J.K. Rowling will share 12 new Harry Potter stories leading up to Christmas.
Spoiler alert! The title of the first short-story is reportedly “Harry Potter and the Slowly Sagging Balls”.
This Monday, Prince William and Kate Middleton took time out of their busy U.S. tour schedule to take in a Cleveland Cavaliers game. Honored by their visit, LeBron James seized the opportunity to snap a photo with the royal pair. Media, however, slammed LeBron for breaking royal protocol by putting his arm around the Duchess.
Thankfully, when I had my own chance to meet Ms. Middleton, I followed the proper royal protocol as exhibited here by Prince Harry.
And finally, this week the A&E channel greenlit a new show in which a former cop turned pastor is given 8 minutes with a prostitute to try to convince them to give up their lives of sin.
I assume that this is the photo they chose to use for the promo since the other 7 minutes and 59 seconds are probably spent having sex with a prostitute.